Author, Speaker, Orphan Advocate
4.5 years ago we started the adoption process.
3.5 years ago the kids came home.
2.5 years ago we re-adopted them (an AZ requirement) and they officially became citizens.
Today we finally have the paper to prove it.
Two “Certificate of Citizenship” papers – otherwise known as the most expensive piece of paper EVER.
$550 each – just to prove they are citizens should some future employer or government agent ever demand it.
That’s it, the last piece of adoption paperwork.
I think.
For the last two months I’ve been dealing with the kids immigration paperwork to get their official Certificate of Citizenship. (Yes I know, it’s been 3 years. What can I say, the $1,100 fee kind of made me procrastinate.)
I had everything filled out and all the supporting documents done since early last year. Then they sat on my desk while I tried to clear up a question about whether or not Mark being a veteran counted toward their “no fee for veterans” policy. (It doesn’t. Only if the actual applicant is a veteran.) So then it sat until I could cough up the $1,100.
I finally mailed it in around Thanksgiving. About a week later the whole packet came back to me with a note that I had sent it to the wrong address. A couple weeks later I re-mailed it.
Somewhere in that week right after Christmas a big envelope came back. I was all excited and thought “Wow, that’s fast.” Instead it was all my original documents with a note that the forms were now “too old” and I needed to redo them, submit it, and attach this wonderful orange sheet that would give it priority processing.
We had a gazillion house guests and stuff going on that week, not to mention having to travel to Arkansas for Mark’s grandmother’s funeral. So I set the packet aside.
Three weeks ago I went to redo the forms.
Only I couldn’t find the packet. ANYWHERE. Seriously, how can you misplace a giant 11×14 gold envelope?? I was so annoyed because I rarely lose stuff. I literally looked EVERYWHERE for that stupid thing, nearly in tears. My main concern was the fact that they had kept my $1,100 payment and now I had no proof really.
I finally gave up and went through the hassle of gathering all my documents again. New passport pics and 2 new certified marriage licenses and I’d added $60 to the cost of this thing.
I looked at my check register for the check number and got online to confirm that they had cashed it. Only I couldn’t find the transaction in my checks paid.
Hm, well maybe they had sent back the original check in that packet and I hadn’t seen it? (I really hadn’t gone through the whole pile, I had just read the letter on the top.) It kind of made sense that they would send it back.
I actually felt a little better and figured maybe that was easier. We could just treat it like a brand new application with new payment and I wouldn’t have to worry.
I’m getting to the good part…
The papers have been sitting on my desk waiting for the money. Two days ago I got a donation receipt from a charity that we used to support via automatic-withdrawal. We had requested the donation be stopped in December, yet I got a receipt for a February donation. Before contacting them, I went online to see if the donation had actually come out of our checking and to see if January had as well.
I set a search for all my ACH withdrawals for December – February.
Lo and behold, there was my $1,100 transaction to the USCIS. They take paper checks and process them as electronic fund transfers so they show up under ACH, not checks where I had looked before.
I almost double paid them! And given usual government-efficiency and the paperwork mix up, I highly doubt they would have found the mistake.
Turns out the charity ACH never had come out of my account. So weird that I would get a receipt.
Coincidence? I think not. I totally think that was God looking out for us. That extra $1,100 would have really hurt!
Monday I’ll be live on the Grace Cafe Radio show to talk about adoption.
Join Marsha Harwood & Julie Hunsucker at Grace Café ~ Sharing Life, Hope and a Cup of Coffee; a place for women to grow in grace together, every Monday @ 11:00 Eastern Time on CWA Radio.
Along with me will be Leslie Gallimore who served as the adoption specialist on the staff of the Pregnancy Resource Center of Charlotte for 1 years. As an adoption specialist, she gave education and support to women who were considering placing their babies for adoption.
If you catch it live you can call in and chat with the hosts at (347) 850-8893. I know they’re doing a book giveaway as well.
You can listen here or I’ll try and embed it below as well.
protecting kids from pornography: the new responsibility of parents in the internet age (from Rage Against the Minivan)
Studies show that each year, about 40 percent of kids aged 12-17 visit sexually explicit sites either deliberately or accidentally. I think that as parents, we really need to come to terms with these numbers and be proactive about protecting our kids.
How to Be The Village (from Jen Hatmaker)
Having benefitted from a community that practically smothered us with support throughout our adoption journey, I am so grateful for all the other good friends out there, loving their people and asking how to help. Since reading this email, I’ve been marinating on her question, and I’ve decided to write this Field Guide to Supporting Adoptive Families.
The biggest lie about travel we all believe. (From Jon Acuff)
…And here’s the lie hidden inside that statement: “You need a plane ticket to be distant from your family.”
You don’t. You just need an iPhone. Or a laptop. Or a million other media distractions we throw our lives at.
Six Things Adoptive/Foster Families Need When New Children Arrive (From One Thankful Mom)
What would have helped you the most in the early weeks and months of adding a child to your family through adoption or foster care? If somebody had asked you, “What can I do to help?” and you were able to answer anything at all with no shame, guilt, or concern about whether they really would want to do it, what would it have been?
It’s bright and early. Well actually it’s still dark. That doesn’t happen often. Me up before the sun. Sure sign that winter is here.
Today I’m headed off to the pre-conference for adoptive moms. Looking forward to the day and sitting in on a panel discussion this morning about rest.
Hoping I can remember what that is? You know, so I can talk about it 
I’ll be tweeting (#t4acon is the official hash tag this weekend) and blogging the next 3 days from the conference so check in.
There are several other featured bloggers so you can get lots of perspectives of the events.
If you’re going to be there and you see me, come say “Hi”.
So much truth packed in this short video. Please watch.
Are you really hearing God’s voice? Or is that the American Dream yelling in your ear?
(This is cross-posted on the Adopt Without Debt website.)
I didn’t get time to talk about it on the radio Tuesday, and I know people are wondering how we paid for OUR adoption.
As I said, it cost us about $28,000 to adopt both kids, including travel (2 tickets round trip + 2 tickets one-way home; this was before Ethiopia was a 2 trip country).
We didn’t start down this road without a plan. First, we had approximately $10,000 in savings. Then, as I mentioned, we had just finished paying off our house around the time we started the process.
For the last 2 1/2 years we had been throwing every extra penny we had at the mortgage – to the tune of about $2,200 a month. With it paid off, we could use that money for the adoption. We estimated that the process was going to take us 6-9 months (it was actually 12) so that would mean $13-19,000. Depending on the time frame we knew we might need to come up with a few extra thousand dollars but knew that we could do that pretty easily with some belt-tightening and fundraising.
That was the PLAN.
But, well, God had OTHER plans. About 2 months into the process Mark left his job. Probably seems like a totally crazy thing, but we knew it was what God wanted him to do. On the one hand I was working again and making enough money to support us (thankfully we didn’t have many bills now). On the other hand that extra $13-19k was not going to be there.
And I will admit, I fell off the bandwagon. I said “well, if we have to take out an interest-free adoption loan, we’ll just pay it off as soon as we can”. (Hangs head in shame.) But that didn’t sit right with us. And then God used Dave Ramsey to speak incredible truth into my life once again. (You can read about that here.) And so we renewed our commitment to do this adoption debt-free. It just meant God was going to have to show up.
And we were going to have to work hard.
We didn’t get any anonymous $5,000 checks in the mail and to be honest, this little list is an approximation of how we paid for it. All I know is that EVERY time we needed to write a check (because thankfully the costs are spread out), we had the money.
Savings $10,000
Budget tightening and savings during process $3k
Severance package (TOTALLY not expected since Mark resigned) $4k
Garage sale $2,300
Mark selling stuff on ebay $2k
Julie’s freelance income (God brought a ton of jobs) $6k
We were down to the wire with the last $3k we needed for travel. We had said early on that one thing we could do, was sell Mark’s car. He worked from home and we knew that we could get along with one car until we could save up cash to buy a replacement. His older Toyota Camry (because we only drive paid-for cars) was worth about $4-5k. But God pulled off a miracle at the last little bit and gave us exactly the $3k we needed from an unexpected source.
This is just OUR story. There are so many more stories of people who have done this all kinds of different ways. Some of them have started with NOTHING saved and God has still showed up big time.
It’s not easy. Debt is always going to SEEM like the easy way out. But if you are willing to work at it, and make some sacrifices, it can be done!
P.S. Don’t forget to log your daily vote for our blog in the Top 25 Adoption Blogs. Just click the thumbs up button here.
During one of the breakout times at CAFO Summit 7 I ended up in the “Post Adoption Depression” session because the one on sibling transition (which I think should have been called “How to help your adopted & bio kids NOT hate each other”) was canceled.
Of course, I’ve had my own lovely journey through PAD, but I was curious what the speaker would say and if I would learn anything new. It was a good session but not anything earth shattering.
Until one of the attendees commented that here, at this gathering of 1,500+ orphan/adoption advocates, she felt left out because they were adopting because of infertility, not to “save” a child. (I’m paraphrasing here, but that was the gist of it.)
I quickly realized, that although it made me cringe, I could TOTALLY see that!
(The subject of adopting to “save a child” is a whole other post worth some discussion.)
It’s easy, especially in the international adoption field, to look at a child’s current situation and see how much better they will be when they are in a family. Adopting them will dramatically alter their lives, sometimes literally saving it.
We see these huge families that have adopted 8, 9, 10 or more orphans and we focus on the benefits to the children.
And all of that is GOOD!
Unless those of us who have both bio and adopted children, those who had a choice, are somehow making the infertile couple feel like their motives are any less pure.
Unless we’re saying to her, “Well your adopting because it’s what YOU want, not because a child needs you.”
Because her motives are not any less right. They are not any less valid.
God created us to parent. He created women to want to nurture and protect a child. He gave her that desire!
And instead of giving up, she is choosing life. Like us, her adoption process will be difficult and expensive. But on top of that, she is dealing with the loss of her own dreams. She will never carry a child in her belly. She will never experience the wonder of childbirth.
What are we doing to help her heal from her loss?
Last Sunday as the kids piled in the van Beza said to me, “Mom, one of the girls told me that she saw a video about me in Ethiopia on your blog. Can you take it off?”
I quickly tried to think what video that was, and realized that it had to be our “We Passed Court” video that I posted on that exciting day in November 2008.
Then I felt horrible that I had not thought of it before. I hadn’t realized that she might find it embarrassing, or perhaps, even shameful. Sure it was posted out of love and excitement on our part, but the video showed a couple very shy and slightly scared children – a completely different picture than the kids they have become. (She hates looking at the few photos we have of them while they were in our agencies transition house.)
The next day I sat down with her and shared a little bit about why the video was there in the first place. I explained about how important it was to me to read other people’s blogs during the difficult and long adoption process; how it was my way of journaling our experience and maybe helping other people.
I told her how we couldn’t share pictures, or even their names on the blog for the longest time. (She thought it was hysterical that I called them w-boy and b-girl for so long!) I explained that the video was kind of like a “birth announcement” of sorts – our way of introducing them to the world.
Then I told her to watch the video and if she wanted then wanted me to take it down, I would.
Within about 20 seconds of watching the video she was laughing! She couldn’t get over how young she looked. Then she called Luke over and I went through a shortened account of my earlier speech and we played it again. He was laughing so hard he was crying!
We laughed over how he kept whispering to her and “coaching” her on her answers. They laughed at the song they sang.
And when we were done, they agreed. The video should stay.
But it served as a valuable reminder to me that as ALL my kids get older they will be reading my blog, as might their friends and teachers. And so the need to guard their privacy will sometimes outweigh my desire to write about a situation. For someone who treats their life as an open book, I am wandering into uncharted territory here.
Some great friends of ours are hosting an incredible giveaway to raise funds for 3 sweet boys who need forever families.
To find out how you can be entered to win an ipad, itouch, wii or $300 Target gift card, go here.
I serve as the Phoenix Chapter leader for an amazing organization called The Adventure Project. Founded by two amazing ladies, TAP's focus is to raise awareness and funds to support the world’s most-effective social ventures.
The vision is simple. We believe we can end extreme poverty in our lifetime by reinventing how we give. Ways that spur economic opportunity, promote dignity, & save lives.
