Julie Gumm - Author

Brain overload! Together for Adoption

by //

Um yeah, I’m not even sure where to really start. I spent 8 hours today drinking from a firehose – a wealth of information on parenting kids from hard places from Dr. Karyn Purvis as well as Michael & Amy Monroe.

You know what I realized?

Wow, we’ve really screwed up.

And hey, we’ve got some stuff right.

Interestingly while I’ve seen a lot of strategies for Beza and Luke I really think it’s our parenting of Noah (our 11 year old bio son) that needs it the most. While you wouldn’t say he is “from a hard place” he suffers many of the same issues as adopted children – ADHD, sensory issues, anxiety. All very interesting to me and of course I wonder hm, where did I mess him up 🙂

I took a ton of notes and at the end of the conference I will put together my cryptic typings and post them for those that want them and feel inclined to try to make sense of them.

But for now a few key highlights

  • There is NO child that cannot come to dramatic healing
  • While we are looking for tools to treat the behaviors, the MOST important thing is the relationship
  • If a child has not gotten it (i.e. love, respect, etc), they cannot give it
  • There is no shelf life to compassion. You can’t say “But they’ve been home 2 years…”
  • Many parents don’t understand that their behaviors caused by THEIR past cause barriers to their relationship w/ the child
  • Attachment is not a feeling it is a “dance” – it is a relationship
  • It has to be us AND the child VS their history (not us against the child)
  • We need to come to our kids with double vision – our perspective and theirs
  • We need to learn how to give “yes” moments from “no” behaviors (give them something to say yes to that will stop the negative behavior)
  • We should be saying “yes” 7 times for every one time we have to say “no”
  • Zero tolerance for disrespect and aggressive behaviors but if we use punitive strategies we will spiral the behavior further downward
  • Your goal is to connect with the child is such a way that they come alongside you, “hook arms” so to speak and you can then guide them through life.
  • When the child knows it’s all about relationship instead of behavior you will be successful

WHEW!

Of course it’s not all work and no fun! Had a great diner with Angel and my 2 new friends – Lorraine Patterson and Amy Block. We talked, ate, talked some more (okay, a LOT more).

Lorraine, Amy, Me (not sure why I look freaked out) and Angel

Then we went back to the hotel and soaked in the hot tub – talked some more. Changed into our pj’s, talked some more. Got Mary Ostyn to come hang out with us and talked some more.

And now it’s 1 a.m. and I am done for the day 🙂

Off to Austin

by //

Tomorrow I am off to Austin and excited not just about the Together for Adoption conference, but the chance to enjoy some cooler weather. It’s still hitting 105+ here and I AM DONE!

On Wednesday I’m attending a pre-conference with Dr. Karyn Purvis – one of the preeminent authorities interventions for adopted, foster and other at-risk children. Before we adopted I read her book The Connected Child from cover to cover and have referred back to it many times. I’m looking forward to gaining even more wisdom on parenting Luke & Beza. Goodness knows we don’t have it all figured out. (I’ll have to tell you the “Battle of the Egg” story.)

Thursday and Friday are the actual conference and I’ll be trying to balance working the World Orphans booth, attending a few sessions and networking with other organizations and the individuals at the conference. They expect over 1,000 attendees and I can’t wait.

There are a ton of great “meet ups” happening for people passionate about specific topics or countries. I wish I could be a dozen places at once.

I’m going to be tweeting and blogging as much as I can so I hope you’ll follow along 🙂

I Met Dave!

by //

We interrupt our normally scheduled post for this breaking news…

I met Dave!

Yesterday I got the opportunity to volunteer at the Dave Ramsey Live Event in Phoenix. It was this same event 10 years ago that changed our lives.

Before the show Dave came around and greeted every one of the 60 or so volunteers that gave up 8 hours of their day to come and work the event.

He shook my hand and said “Thank you for helping out!”

And I wanted to laugh because really, there is NO WAY I could repay him for the difference he has made in our lives.

If I had more time I would have told him that other than God and our families, he is the one person who has had the greatest impact in our lives.

He made our marriage better.

He helped us grow in our faith.

Beginning to apply his principles was like the gentle turning of a rudder on a great big ship that is our lives. We changed our direction that year but now, 10 years later we can see the DRAMATICALLY different route our lives have taken.

I am not in any way trying to cut God out of the equation. Quite the opposite – through Dave we gained a greater understanding of what God wants from us when it comes to our money.

To be honest when we first started the baby steps our motivation was to pay off our debt so we could build our wealth and retire early. But along the journey we discovered the extreme joy in giving. We discovered the freedom to alter our careers and pursue our God-given dreams. We discovered what REALLY matters.

For us what really matters is not the size of our 401k, or what age we’re going to be able to retire at. It’s the impact our money can have RIGHT NOW! It’s adding two children to our family through adoption. It’s helping send orphans in Uganda to school. It’s helping a church in Ethiopia care for at risk kids in their community (more on that coming soon).

All of that we owe, in large part, to Dave and the ministry God has blessed him with.

So thank you Dave, for everything!