I don’t remember exactly how old Noah was when it started to become obvious that he was different than some of his friends. Mostly it was his activity level. He was impulsive, he was aggressive, he had trouble sitting still, he would freak out at loud noises. I think he was 3 when one of our friends who is an OT asked if we had ever had him tested for Sensory Integration Disorder. I looked it up briefly online but brushed it off because I didn’t see that he met the science mumbo-jumbo definition that I had found.

In preschool his behavior started to cause some problems. Mostly getting him to finish the work, not distract the other kids. But it’s preschool right. We pushed through, did our best. We tried everything to motivate him, rewards, consequences, bribery. You name it and we gave it a shot.

By then (at 5) as I had done more reading about Sensory Integration Disorder or SID (specifically the book "The Out of Synch Child") I became keenly aware that he DID, in fact, meet many of these criteria. We tried to implement some things at home to help with is activity level and to give him more sensory input. They helped, a little, but not enough.

Kindergarten was a roller coaster. Suddenly it was 7 hours of school every day. He had the most wonderful teacher who was great about working with him and making accomodations, but she also had a class full of kids. We finally got him "officially" evaluated and diagnosed with SID. We thought that perhaps we could get him OT services through the school district. Well, because he does not have a learning disability (quite the opposite, he is VERY bright) we weren’t eligible. The OT who did the evaulation also recommended that we have him evaluated for an auditory processing disorder and by a child psychologist and gave us 2 names. The APD eval turned out negative, he was good.

The appt with the child psychologist was a 6 month wait, it was just the end of August when we finally had that appointment. By this time we had become keenly aware that Noah was way more "emotionally reactive" than his peers who were the same age. He gets easily frustrated, cries easily, can have full blown kick, scream, pound the floor temper tantrums. The psych had us fill out lengthy questionairre, as well as having his kindergarten teacher fill one out. She then spent an hour with Noah talking with him, giving him an IQ test, etc.

The diagnosis: ADHD

Recommendation: See a child psychiatrist to talk about meds, get some counseling for him and the family

So in the 6 weeks since that appt. we have done a lot of research on ADHD, the meds, the other alternatives all of it. I think that ADHD has gotten somewhat of a bad rap and I, like many others, tend to think that it’s over-diagnosed. When the reality is that most of it is that it just gets a lot of media attention. True there are some on meds who don’t need to be but it doesn’t discount the kids who truly need them. But it also wasn’t something we wanted to rush into.

Yesterday we met with the child psychiatrist who was a really nice woman. She talked with my husband and I and Noah together. She ran through a list of questions and asked if it happens "never, sometimes, often, very often".

Her conclusion agreed with the other doctor on the ADHD diagnosis. She said that kids who score a 25 or above on the "test" met the criteria. Noah scored a 46. After talking about various drugs with her we decided on Adderall for a couple of reasons – 1) it’s long lasting, 10-12 hours so he’ll only have to take it in the morning at home 2) it comes in the lowest dosage so we can start there and evaluate 3) it comes in a couple of different forms including the patch (very new) and a capsule with micro-beads in it which can be sprinkled on applesauce or something.

We left with a prescription for the capsule and had it filled last night. This morning the micro-beads got sprinkled on chocolate pudding – I know, not great breakfast food but what can I say, I need to go to the grocery store.

And I breathlessly waited until 3:30 to hear how his day went. We are thrilled beyond words at the difference. He was the first to finish his math homework and got his name put on the trustworthy chart (a first for the year). His teacher called tonight to give us a report (she knew about the meds) and said he had an incredible day. He didn’t fidget. He did all his work. They were writing letters to the governor (he hates to write) and he wrote a great letter without the usual many prompts. When she called him aside at the end of the day to tell him how proud she was he stood quietly, listened and made eye contact with her the whole time (nearly unheard of).

I know it’s not a cure-all and it won’t be the end of our struggles but I am so proud and so elated for HIM. Because I know how incredible smart and sensitive he is and I know how discouraging it was for him to struggle so. He has amazing potential and I know that God has an incredible plan for his life. There have been many times when I have cried out to Him when I didn’t think I could handle another 60 minute homework session (for 10 minutes of work). But as always, he is faithful to walk alongside us in this journey and help guide us.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jer 29:11-13 

While it is not quite the anniversary of 9/11 yet, I think this blog memorial chain deserves more than one big day. So it will remain at the top of my blog until next week. New posts will be directly underneath (if I can figure that out).

Josh Michael Piver, 23 of Stonington, CT
1 World Trade Center

I know we all remember that morning of 9/11. My first thoughts went to my sister-in-law, a flight attendant. A quick phone call to her confirmed that she was home in AZ and safe. Then to my second cousin who worked for Oppenheimer Funds. Although she worked from Texas she was frequently in the NY office in the WTC. By afternoon I had received word that she was safe in Texas.

A few days later I spoke with my best friend Kristen. Her husband’s cousin, Joshua Piver, was at work on the 105th floor of 1 World Trade Center when American Airlines Flight 11 hit the north tower. This is his story.
Joshua M. Piver spent his summers on the water, working at a boat yard in his hometown of Stonington, Conn., and sailing and kayaking every chance he got. His mother, Susan, remembers she first took Josh down to the water when he was two weeks old.

“He loved to go to the beach,” she says. “We started the kids when they were babies going down to the point in Stonington Borough. They took lessons at the point 9 o’clock in the morning in the freezing cold water, but they went. They knew how to swim.

When he was older, “he had a kayak. And he used to go from Stonington harbor out to Watch Hill to ride the waves.”

Josh loved his friends, baseball, soccer and the party afterward.

As his grandfather, Edmund Piver put it, “He used to like to go partyin’. He knew where the girls were, and he knew where the beer was.”

“We got a Dalmatian,” Susan recalls. “He always wanted a Dalmatian. He’d walk it on the leash and say it was a chick magnet.” She laughs. “It would always attract all the girls.”

Throughout his years at Stonington High School , Josh was “a normal kid” who got into the usual scrapes with the law that kids that age get into.

“He was a good student,” Susan says. “He liked to have fun, but he did well in school. When he was playing soccer, once he got caught smoking out in the parking lot …”

His mother remembers getting a couple of calls from the local police, once when Josh got picked up for raising hell at the Wadawanuck Yacht Club, another time when he and a friend tried to buy liquor, “things like that.”

In high school and college his interests expanded to include funk and jazz — The Meters, Grover Washington Jr., Grant Green — and cooking.

“He was a gourmet cook,” his sister Erika says.

“When he was younger, he didn’t want anything but pizza, but when he got older, he didn’t want anything but the best gourmet food, from scratch,” says Susan. “He’d come home and he would do the cooking. He loved to be in the kitchen.”

Robert Scala, a friend who first got to know Josh some as a child when his family summered in Stonington , says that what made Josh so popular was that “he was just very caring. He listened to people. He really cared about people.”

“Josh’s life for me was like a really good song,” says Scala. “It was the kind of song that you were movin’ to and shakin’, and you’re glad to hear it and you don’t know what it is. And all of a sudden somebody cuts the music, and you don’t understand why.”

“He had plenty of patience,” says his friend Michele Marsina. And he was as “honest as you have never seen anyone before. I could trust him with my life. I wish I could have saved his.”

His friends remember Josh as someone who stayed calm in all sorts of situations. “I’m the only person who ever caused him to lose his temper, and that’s because I was trying to,” said David Wilson, who met him in the fourth grade and went through the University of Vermont with him. Socializing with Josh was always deflating, he added: “He was tall, extremely good-looking, and girls never talked to me when he was around.”

When Josh went to the University of Vermont in 1996, Ed says, “He was going to be an environmentalist. Then all of a sudden he decided he was going to make money. He was going to make a million. So he changed majors and he took up economics.”

“He liked math,” Susan says. “He liked economics. He did well in it. He found out that he really enjoyed it.”

Josh graduated from college in 2000 and, at the age of 22, landed a job on Wall Street, trading pollution credits for Cantor Fitzgerald.

His family visited him there, and they say Josh was in love with the new life he’d just begun.

“He told me, ‘Grandpa, it’s awesome,’ ” says Ed. “He told me a couple times, ‘It’s awesome.’ ”

If you happen to find yourself in Stonington, CT and take time to visit Stonington Point find the small grassy area along the east side with a granite bench that remembers Josh. Sit and enjoy the view of the water that he loved so much.

Sources:

University of Vermont Memorial

Joshua M. Piver: Loving New York Living – New York Times

Young And Full Of Life’s Joy And Optimism – Joshua M. Piver by Kenton Robinson

For memorial comments made about Josh, click here.

For other tributes please visit the 2,996 site.