Part of the November series “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

Guest post by Allison Schumm

When we welcome a new child into our home we seldom think about the fact that it means we will likely change what we eat.

Many children who come from hard places come with allergies, sensitivities, and health problems that require special diet or deficiencies from malnutrition.  These dietary changes may remain unknown until the child has proper medical attention.

Your diet may also change because as you meld the children into your family you’ll realize they have different ideas of what tastes good. One thing is certain, your diet will not ever be the same after you adopt.

When we adopted our 2-year-old son he had been extremely sick most of his life.  We knew that most people are not sick most of their life for no reason, and decided to have him allergy tested. We found out he was allergic to dairy and eggs.  This took care of most of the problem, but he would still get occasionally get sick.  Through trial and error we also found out he was allergic to coconut.

With our 9-year-old son, when he came for visits sometimes his foster family would forget to send his ADHD meds and he would not be able to cope without them.  We eat a very clean, unprocessed diet because of my sensitivity to processed foods. (I was adopted at birth).  After he had been in our home for 3 months, we were able to take him off all medications and we have not seen any ADHD symptoms.

Many children born addicted to drugs, or with moms who are mineral deficient, are more sensitive to processed foods.  Some may need to learn to follow GAPS diets or go gluten and casein free. Others may need to learn to cook from scratch because their children’s already over-stimulated brains are being strained by chemical additives in our foods.

Even if your child doesn’t come with a need for dietary changes, they may come with specific tastes which will affect meal times. Our first group of children came from a background where they put hot sauce on everything!  Every meal is covered in it and I came to a point that I was offended because I felt my cooking wasn’t good enough.  When it turns out that, they just like a little heat in their food.  We now go through almost a gallon of hot sauce a month.

Adoption is never easy and you never have all the answers as you enter into the process of bringing your new blessing(s) home.  Know that you aren’t alone in your your adventures, and that there are many families out there who can help you. There are many recipes and ideas online and in your local library that can help make the transition easier. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

(Julie’s Note: We’ve seen TREMENDOUS changes in our ADHD son by removing all dyes, preservatives and corn syrup. After several months we also went gluten and casein free but didn’t see any additional changes so we went back to the first diet. He still takes meds but his dosage is about half what it was before dietary changes.)

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Allison is a busy mom of 14 beautiful blessings ranging from 18 to 1 year old.  She married her knight in shining armor in of May 2004 and they started the first step in their adoption journey in the end of 2005 just 18 months after they were married.  Jonathan and Allison are vocal advocates for adoption, they believe that God places the lonely in families – and keeping siblings together is the best course of action when possible.  They have adopted 2 sibling groups of 5, with the adoption finalizations occurring five years apart, to the day. Allison is certified to teach PS-MAPP and Jonathan and Allison do everything they can to help their favorite ministry Project Belong

Allison blogs at Schumm Explosion and James 1:27 Moms, she also has a passion for her work with Project Belong and their ministry. Currently, Jonathan and Allison reside in Topeka, KS and home school all 14 of their children.  Allison enjoys writing, traditional cooking, crafts and spending time with her family

Part of the November series “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

This isn’t the post I planned to write.

But it’s the post I need to write.

I am drinking a glass of wine while I write it. That might give you an idea why.

In truth they day wasn’t too bad, but about 5 o’clock it all went down the crapper.

And just like that, you remember that this parenting thing is HARD! And raising kids with trauma and other special needs (whether adopted or bio) makes it even HARDER.

If you think that somehow your adoption will escape any issues of trauma because _______ (fill in the blank), FORGET ABOUT IT!

There were many contributing factors to tonight’s particular issue – late night because of a sleepover, forgotten meds, etc. Sometimes you will be able to explain it. It doesn’t necessarily make it easy to deal with, but it’s nice to have something to blame it on.

Either way, when those hard times come, you have a choice.

• Lose it (which we all do on occasion).
• Take a deep breath….realize your child is probably in one of the 3 modes (fight, flight or freeze) and cannot get unstuck…react appropriately

Every kid is different and every parent is different. But I know for us this means I have to:

1. Take my voice WAY down in volume and tone. Like my “library voice.”
2. Go to my child (don’t yell across the room), make eye contact.
3. Slow EVERYTHING down.
4. Get the child to take a deep breath (have them mimic your deep breathing).
5. Let them know they will be heard as soon as we can get to a calm place.
6. Sometimes, even when we’re calm, we need to take a break, get a bite to eat and some water and then come back and discuss the issue.

It’s hard. It’s hard to remember to do these things. It’s much easier to get upset and frustrated and annoyed.

But the goal is connection. When we’re through the episode the child/parent relationship should be intact.

There are tons of great resources aren’t there and I recommend that you take advantage of them.

I think EVERY adoptive parent should not only read The Connected Child (affiliate link) but also attend one of the Empowered To Connect Conferences. (Or buy the DVDs.) This stuff is amazing.

Though not specific to adoption, The Whole Brained Child is another great book that helps explain brain function in children. (I love the downstairs/upstairs brain illustration.)

I know I’ve also learned a lot by reading the blog of Lisa Qualls over at One Thankful Mom. Christine Moer also has a great blog and a TON of great videos on her YouTube channel.

What are some of your favorite parenting resources?

Part of the November series “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

It took me years to learn to love roller coasters. As a child at Disneyland I preferred the teacups. It went round the big circle and I, depending on how hard I turned the wheel at the center, controlled how fast we spun

Roller coasters represented the unknown – twists, turns and giant hills followed by stomach-dropping plunges I was sure would catapult me out of the car.

I am a control-freak.

Or, as the Esurance commercials put it, a “control enthusiast.”

Nothing is more frustrating for a control enthusiast than adoption. I don’t think. At least I have not encountered anything yet.

Of course the ride begins with paperwork – tons of paperwork. But at least paperwork was something I could control with my color-coded folders and checklists. Make appointments for physicals – check. Fingerprints – check. Homestudy visits – check. Authenticate dossier – check.

The day I was putting our dossier on a FedEx truck, we got a call. The organization we found the children through was changing partner adoption agencies. It was up to us, but they advised us to switch.

This was NOT in my flow chart.

And thus began MONTHS of riding the roller coaster.

Do we switch agencies or do we not? (God answered that one with a closed door.) We sent in our paperwork.

Then we waited, and waited.

We hoped to pass court before the rainy season government shutdown that lasts from August to October. We should have been ready.

Someone totally dropped the ball and we missed the deadline. Commence emotional meltdown.

I had dreamed of having the kids home by summer. Instead, we were a family of four traveling to California that August for vacation.

Courts reopened but there were more issues with our paperwork. I felt so helpless – all I could do was make endless phone calls. Some of which I may have been close to screaming at people. I’m not saying it was pretty.

TIA. “This is Africa.” It runs on its own time schedule – or not.

We finally got a court date, the day after Thanksgiving. That should have made me feel better. It was a step. But, in the weeks before there had been an unusual amount of delays from the courts requesting more paperwork. The fate of my children rested in the hands of a judge in Ethiopia and God. (This was back before parents had to be in Ethiopia for court.)

A part of me felt confident that God had our back and we would pass on the first try. The other part of me knew that might not be God’s plan. I was literally sick to my stomach in the days before court. That’s the least amount of food I’ve ever eaten at Thanksgiving.

Wherever you are in the adoption process, if you can find a way to be okay without any control, you’ll do awesome.

I just kept repeating to myself and others, “It is, what it is.”

I can’t change it. (Well the screaming phone calls actually did get something done that needed to be done, but that was a bit unique.)

How do you deal with feeling helpless during the process?