Part of the November series “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

The first time we saw our adoptive kids was on a video.

Living, breathing, moving pictures.

They answered questions about what their favorite subject was and what they liked to play. Then they sang an adorable song, complete with hand motions.

I was enraptured. I must have played it a dozen times those first few days. Luke seemed serious and confident, though a bit quiet. Beza was shy, speaking barely above a whisper. Luke had to nudge her during the song because she wasn’t doing the hand motions.

We saw two other videos during our 12 month process that enforced these personality trait assumptions.

Even our first few weeks with them was expected.

Then they broke out of their shells. More like busted out 🙂

Luke is a complete ham and in constant motion. He climbs and jumps on/over anything possible. A few weeks ago Mark and I watched American Ninja Warrior and the first words out of my mouth were “Don’t tell Luke this is a THING!” He’s silly and fun loving. While not serious, he can be sensitive.

Beza is ALL drama. She is the opposite of quiet and shy. Well, in certain situations she’s still shy but it is definitely not her default.

No matter what you see in pictures or videos, you really don’t know what you’re getting. Even first hand reports may be off. I just spent several days with my brother and his family. They were told their youngest, home since July, was very quiet and serious by the lady who ran the orphanage. Olivia is the exact opposite.

Family changes these kids. Love opens up who they really are deep down inside.

So just be ready. It’s going to be awesome!

If your kids are home, were you surprised by their personalities?

 

 

 

Part of the November series “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

Another amazing guest post. This time from Heather Fallis.

It was time.

Time to make THE phone call. To share THE announcement.

I was sure my mom would be thrilled. After all, she had talked about how after living in South Korea as a teenager she wished their family would have adopted. This wasn’t just a decision made on a whim. This was part of our family’s history. I expected rejoicing and confetti. (And hopefully big checks in the mail to help with the fundraising.)

My husband and I had prayerfully decided to stop just talking about adoption and actually jump, feet first, into this ocean of the unknown we call “the process”. We knew the Lord had led us to international adoption, and after researching the countries where we were eligible, we chose South Korea. My grandparents had served as missionaries there in the 70’s. My mom had lived there as a teenager. Korean artwork and furniture graced the home of my grandparents. Growing up, every time I had to do a report or presentation on another country, I chose South Korea. It just seemed natural.

So I pressed “send” on my cell phone and held my breath as it rang. After a few how’s-the-weather-type comments, I went for it.

“We’ve decided to adopt from South Korea.”

*Pause*

“Really?” (Note the lack of rejoicing and confetti.)

I don’t remember the rest of that conversation except the barrage of questions and comments about how our biological daughters were still so young and wouldn’t it be hard on them and it’s expensive and are you sure you really want to do this. I hung up the phone in tears, heartbroken that I didn’t receive the response I had expected from the person who had always been my biggest cheerleader. What I didn’t realize was that I had set myself up for disappointment.

You see, adoption is something that as parents, we don’t just waltz into nonchalantly like “Oh, I think today I’ll adopt this sweet child right here.” It is something we research, pray about, talk about, read about, ask questions about, and hopefully make a very educated and committed decision about. We prepare ourselves. We give ourselves to the all-consuming adoption process only after much thought.

And then we expect our friends and families to jump on board immediately and throw us a party.

Oh, sweet friends, adoption is a beautiful thing. But it is a complicated thing. And some people unfortunately have been exposed more to the complications than to the beauty and redemption and grace. So when we thrust this life-altering decision on our families and expect them to embrace it fully from the beginning, we are asking a lot. They haven’t been with us when we’ve scoured the internet for hours reading adoption stories and researching agencies and devouring every single book on adoption ever written. They haven’t spent hours/days/weeks/months on their knees seeking the heart of God and asking Him to make His will clear to them about all this. They are innocent bystanders that suddenly have this adoption thing thrust upon them with little to no warning.

Some families will jump on board right away. And thank heavens for them. But for some families, caution doesn’t always mean disapproval. The immediate response I got from my mom was not an indication of her support or lack thereof for our decision to adopt. She was simply…being a mom. Making sure I had thought about things. Challenging me to look at all the angles. And when she realized I had, then the rejoicing and confetti came. (As did several big checks for the fundraising, God bless her.)

Sadly, some families will never be on board with adoption. Some people will just never truly understand the biblical mandate to care for orphans and how that is best translated through the love of a family. And if you have one such family, my heart goes out to you. But rest assured, you are not alone. Jesus himself had a family who did not understand the mission he was called to. Not only did his family struggle with his choices, his whole town rejected him. I pray that you find comfort in knowing that Jesus understands. He has been there. He will walk with you through this difficult decision to follow his leading and trust in his provision, with or without the support of your family. His grace is sufficient.

Thankfully though, more often than not, even the hesitant and doubtful ones begin to see the beauty of adoption when we bring them into the process and allow them to walk quietly beside us as they take it all in. If you will give your family time to process, openly share your heart, and arm them with valuable tools to understand and embrace adoption, I believe they just might surprise you.

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Heather Fallis is a mom of three by way of birth and adoption from South Korea.  When she’s not assisting her husband in their youth ministry, loving on kids at her preschool, or making messes with her kids in the kitchen, you can find her enjoying good coffee, sharing her heart for the orphan on her blog, singing in her car and laughing with friends.  To read more about her family’s adoption journey and her heart for the orphan, go to http://www.ourheart-n-seoul.com

Part of the November series “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

There are adoption cliques.

There, I said it.

It’s not really like the junior high cool kid/nerd cliques, but they are present.

During an adoption conference breakout, another attendee said that her friends, who were adopting internationally, made her feel like her domestic infant adoption was less “worthy”.

It broke my heart and shocked me. Not in a “how could they do that” way, but a “how did I not notice this before” way.

Adoptive parents are, if anything, a PASSIONATE bunch. We will raise our adoption-loving, orphan-advocate banners high and wave them around unabashedly!

As an international adoptive parent, it is obviously they type of adoption I am most comfortable talking about. The one you find me most likely to talk about. I hang around with other international adoptive parents because we have common ground.

But if we’re not careful, in our attempts to sing the praises of our particular type of adoption, we alienate others who are led to pursue a different type.

I’ve been on the receiving end of the judgement. More than once I’ve gotten the “why on earth would you adopt internationally when there are kids in the U.S. who need homes?” ESPECIALLY, when the subject of the cost of adoption comes up, which obviously since that’s a subject matter I’m passionate about, happens a lot. There are those that have made me feel like it’s ridiculous to spend $30,000 to adopt a child when you can adopt from foster care for free.

True, it may not seem logical. But we’ve already covered that logic kind of goes out the window with adoption anyways.

So here is what I know.

THERE IS NO BEST TYPE OF ADOPTION!

Every adoption means a child has found a forever family. Each has its pros and cons. Each its own set of challenges.

Without domestic infant adoptions, birth mothers who felt unable to parent their child would be left with only one choice – abortion. And I’ve witnessed beautiful, open adoptions that have not only meant family for that baby, but an additional extended family for the birth parents. Adoptive parents often have an agonizing wait to be “chosen” by a birth mother. Some endure one or more failed adoptions.

Foster-to-adopt parents have an entirely unique set of hoops to jump through and have to navigate a government system in serious need of overhaul. It takes perseverance and persistence, but over 100,000 kids in the U.S. are legally free for adoption and waiting for their forever families.

Globally, there are millions of orphans without parents. While international adoption will never be THE solution to the orphan crisis, it is one piece of the puzzle. For some of these children, especially those with medical needs, adoption might be the difference between life and death.

In high school I was a floater. Some days I’d eat lunch with one group of kids, the next day I might be at a different table. Now as an adoptive parent, I’m navigating the waters much the same way.

I am for children. I am for children in families. I am for adoption.

No matter the type.

I will advocate for every orphan. I will cheer on every adoptive or foster parent. I will give generously to help keep vulnerable children IN families and avoid becoming orphans.

I hope you will join me.